23 thoughts on “Coping mechanisms and sexual abuse

  1. After watching this i just realised that i use all four of these mechanisms
    Along with self harming.. 🙁 i don;t know what i should do, i have never
    had therapy because i just feel like i can’t talk about it as i am a very
    private person. I love your videos you are so inspirational and such an
    amazing person!!

  2. Hi Niamh. Thanks so much for taking the time to watch and comment. I’m so
    happy to hear you like and find inspiration in the videos. It’s amazing
    how often these ways of coping show up in peoples lives. You are certainly
    not alone. Unfortunately, self-harm is a very common coping mechanism as
    well.

    It can be very difficult to think about talking to someone about your
    struggles and experiences. However, I have found that the thinking is
    often the most difficult part…the apprehension, expectations, and fears.
    Once you take the first step you find it’s not as bad as you expected.
    There are some stories on my blog from April of 2013 that might be helpful
    in taking that step. You deserve to be free of the impact of abuse.

    Thanks again. Feel free to join us on the blog, facebook, twitter, &
    google+ too.

  3. Thank you so much for replying, I will check out your blog 🙂 two of my
    friends found out about my cutting, I guess they saw the signs or whatever
    with the long sleeves and all, both of them told me that they used to do it
    as well, they tried to get me to talk about it and why but as I said im
    very private so I didnt tell them about the abuse, one of them tried to get
    me to see the school counsellor but I know she would tell my parents as I
    am only 17 and I dont want that happening, do you think it is possible to
    fully recover from both if I dont talk about it? I am currently 45 free
    from cutting but I find it harder each day 🙁 .

  4. Niamh, unfortunately, I think it’s pretty impossible to heal/recover if you
    don’t talk about it. Through sharing your story, you literally allow it to
    leave your body & mind. It doesn’t mean you do it one time and your
    healed, but it is the first step. Sometimes it can be easier to share with
    a friend the first time. Though I do think it’s important, and probably
    necessary, at some time work with a therapist who specializes in abuse.
    I’ve had clients who haven’t told anyone before they shared with me.

    I recently shared a quote that said “you no longer have a secret, you have
    a story”. This is why sharing with someone is so important. Secrets
    continue to perpetuate and grow shame.

    I know it can be incredibly scary. It is one of the most vulnerable, but
    also courageous things you will ever do. If you need help finding someone,
    I’d be happy to help you do a search in your area. 

  5. Thanks Peggy I guess your probably right, in order to heal I need to talk
    about it.
    As much as I would really appreciate you helping me find someone in my
    area, I don’t think that would work as I live in ireland.
    I think that if I do talk to someone it will be after im 18 as I dont want
    my parents involved at all. Thanks so much.

  6. You’re welcome, Niamh. I did a quick check for a place to start in Ireland
    and found a few options, depending on your location. I am not able to put
    links on here, but if you’d like to send me an email, I’d be happy to send
    you the links.

  7. What do you mean by “validate”?

  8. I guess I just don’t understand the topic of validation much at all. Why is
    it important? What does is mean? How do you go about it? Ect.

  9. Good video I share a lot of those mechanisms and had a history of the same
    type of abuse but right now I’m dealing with physical and mental issues as
    a result of combat. So I completely relate to your story and others, there
    are so many new age spiritual people here on You tube claiming they can
    help, it can be extremely dangerous so I am glad you have the credentials
    and experience behind your videos. Good luck on You tube.

  10. Hi! I just started therapy, and there was some sort of mild abuse in my
    life. I have not discussed this with my therapist, she asked me about my
    childhood and I said it was fine. Will she know that I lied? We are
    addressing why I am depressed , angry, detached, drink too much, hate
    myself, and some defense mechanisms. Do you think she will think that they
    are a result of abuse?

  11. Hi Peggy, thanks for these post on such a serious and delicate subject. I
    am a victim of sexual abuse as a very small child by family friend of my
    mother. This was the first time but unfortunately not the last episode of
    sexual abuse that I experienced as a child and as an adult.
    I’ve done some healing work in trauma on other experiences in my childhood
    but not a whole lot on this topic of abuse.
    I have been described as aloof and distant from others and I spend a lot of
    time in solitude when I’m not at work.
    I feel these experiences have effected my relationship life in devastating
    ways. I have taken a number of years away from a primary relationship in
    order to know myself better and to heal by myself outside of a
    relationship.
    I have spoken about my first experience with others and feel freer in that
    way but I find myself very scared to be in a relationship.
    Do you have any ideas on how I could over come that fear and find joy in
    relating again?

  12. I honestly don’t get it she acts like sexual abuse in kid sis no big
    deal:(( 

  13. this was very interesting and it will be very helpful to me. I look forward
    to listening to more from you .thanks you.

  14. What about child on child abuse> My cousin who was being molested
    repeatedly molested me over years. It was “swept under the carpet”. No
    one stood up for me. Now as an adult he says he wasn’t a predator and he
    was molested so it was okay. I couldn’t even begin to think of harming
    someone else. I don’t know what to think. I am afraid if I go to a
    therapist they will say I am over reacting.

  15. Nicole Hanes, Thank you for watching and commenting. Being abused by
    another child creates a whole different set of issues to work through. It
    can be difficult to let go of the rationalizing and minimizing coping
    mechanisms which often develop.

    Children can and do abuse other children. It happens all the time. There
    are several factors that would determine whether it would be conidered a
    “crime”. However, the impact is the same regardless. As you said, you
    can’t even begin to think about abusing someone else. This is the case for
    the majority (BY FAR) of people who are abused. And BY FAR, the majority
    of people who are abused DO NOT abuse other people. Whether someone was
    abused or not, it NEVER excuses what they may choose to do to someone else.

    Unfortunately, I’ve heard from many people who have shared their abuse
    experience with a supposed trained professional, who minimizes or dismisses
    the significance of their experience. If this happens, you need to find
    someone else!

    In regards to not knowing what to think…trust yourself. You know what
    happened and you know the impact it’s had on you.

  16. Do you think it’s possible a for someone to heal without any kind of
    therapy? I feel the need to maybe finally talk to someone all these years
    later but not sure who to talk to or even where to for such help. I feel
    like I’m an emotional ticking time bomb just waiting to explode. One day
    I’m fine then the next I might go off on someone. As a young girl I had
    anger issues and even had a hard time I feel cause I felt so bad about
    myself, the abuse,etc. 

  17. Hi Peggy,
    first sorry for my english its not my main language. i watched your video
    and thought about it. you are right, the things you mentioned happen all
    the time. I for myself have no memory of sexual abuse in my
    childhood..other forms of abuse yes. i always watch videos where people die
    as resukt of childhood abuse..or i try all the time to understand
    psychopaths people like serial killers. Do you think this is my way of
    coping with my experiences. im shocked because i need such an extreme to
    minimize my childhood. Hope you know what i mean.

  18. I think my biggest problem as well as the abuse and the rape is how it has
    affected my behaviour over the years and I haven’t exactly been a saint. I
    used to be a stalker, an internet stalker anyway; it was my way of dealing
    with what felt like and still feels like the impossibility of intimacy and
    having a colossal panic every time I fancied a Woman. I still feel deep
    shame and as though I am not fit to venture out into the real world. I feel
    as though i would have allowed anyone to do anything to me and I could have
    done anything to anyone else but fortunately it’s over now, or it is
    beginning to be over. I have started therapy and can finally talk to
    someone about what was done to me and how I dealt with it. I hope that’s a
    start 

  19. Hi Peggy, Thank you so much for sharing and boosting among us the
    commitment to the healing process.I am therapist as well, and I would like
    to have some information about techniques and ways to help people who have
    been victim of sexual abuse. The best for you

  20. Thank you Peggy for anther wonderful post! I think I’ve probably used most
    of those coping mechanisms in my life. I said it in another post, but I’m
    really looking forward reading your blog and watching more of these helpful
    videos. Debbie
    http://www.ifiwereabutterfly.com

  21. I dated a girl but I had to break up with her because I couldn’t stand her
    brother. In addition to horrendous verbalabuse he hurt her physically.
    Her father blamed her and if there is really a Hell thats where the father
    and son are now.

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