After watching this i just realised that i use all four of these mechanisms
Along with self harming.. 🙁 i don;t know what i should do, i have never
had therapy because i just feel like i can’t talk about it as i am a very
private person. I love your videos you are so inspirational and such an
Hi Niamh. Thanks so much for taking the time to watch and comment. I’m so
happy to hear you like and find inspiration in the videos. It’s amazing
how often these ways of coping show up in peoples lives. You are certainly
not alone. Unfortunately, self-harm is a very common coping mechanism as
It can be very difficult to think about talking to someone about your
struggles and experiences. However, I have found that the thinking is
often the most difficult part…the apprehension, expectations, and fears.
Once you take the first step you find it’s not as bad as you expected.
There are some stories on my blog from April of 2013 that might be helpful
in taking that step. You deserve to be free of the impact of abuse.
Thanks again. Feel free to join us on the blog, facebook, twitter, &
Thank you so much for replying, I will check out your blog 🙂 two of my
friends found out about my cutting, I guess they saw the signs or whatever
with the long sleeves and all, both of them told me that they used to do it
as well, they tried to get me to talk about it and why but as I said im
very private so I didnt tell them about the abuse, one of them tried to get
me to see the school counsellor but I know she would tell my parents as I
am only 17 and I dont want that happening, do you think it is possible to
fully recover from both if I dont talk about it? I am currently 45 free
from cutting but I find it harder each day 🙁 .
Niamh, unfortunately, I think it’s pretty impossible to heal/recover if you
don’t talk about it. Through sharing your story, you literally allow it to
leave your body & mind. It doesn’t mean you do it one time and your
healed, but it is the first step. Sometimes it can be easier to share with
a friend the first time. Though I do think it’s important, and probably
necessary, at some time work with a therapist who specializes in abuse.
I’ve had clients who haven’t told anyone before they shared with me.
I recently shared a quote that said “you no longer have a secret, you have
a story”. This is why sharing with someone is so important. Secrets
continue to perpetuate and grow shame.
I know it can be incredibly scary. It is one of the most vulnerable, but
also courageous things you will ever do. If you need help finding someone,
I’d be happy to help you do a search in your area.
Thanks Peggy I guess your probably right, in order to heal I need to talk
As much as I would really appreciate you helping me find someone in my
area, I don’t think that would work as I live in ireland.
I think that if I do talk to someone it will be after im 18 as I dont want
my parents involved at all. Thanks so much.
You’re welcome, Niamh. I did a quick check for a place to start in Ireland
and found a few options, depending on your location. I am not able to put
links on here, but if you’d like to send me an email, I’d be happy to send
you the links.
What do you mean by “validate”?
I guess I just don’t understand the topic of validation much at all. Why is
it important? What does is mean? How do you go about it? Ect.
Good video I share a lot of those mechanisms and had a history of the same
type of abuse but right now I’m dealing with physical and mental issues as
a result of combat. So I completely relate to your story and others, there
are so many new age spiritual people here on You tube claiming they can
help, it can be extremely dangerous so I am glad you have the credentials
and experience behind your videos. Good luck on You tube.
Hi! I just started therapy, and there was some sort of mild abuse in my
life. I have not discussed this with my therapist, she asked me about my
childhood and I said it was fine. Will she know that I lied? We are
addressing why I am depressed , angry, detached, drink too much, hate
myself, and some defense mechanisms. Do you think she will think that they
are a result of abuse?
Hi Peggy, thanks for these post on such a serious and delicate subject. I
am a victim of sexual abuse as a very small child by family friend of my
mother. This was the first time but unfortunately not the last episode of
sexual abuse that I experienced as a child and as an adult.
I’ve done some healing work in trauma on other experiences in my childhood
but not a whole lot on this topic of abuse.
I have been described as aloof and distant from others and I spend a lot of
time in solitude when I’m not at work.
I feel these experiences have effected my relationship life in devastating
ways. I have taken a number of years away from a primary relationship in
order to know myself better and to heal by myself outside of a
I have spoken about my first experience with others and feel freer in that
way but I find myself very scared to be in a relationship.
Do you have any ideas on how I could over come that fear and find joy in
I honestly don’t get it she acts like sexual abuse in kid sis no big
this was very interesting and it will be very helpful to me. I look forward
to listening to more from you .thanks you.
What about child on child abuse> My cousin who was being molested
repeatedly molested me over years. It was “swept under the carpet”. No
one stood up for me. Now as an adult he says he wasn’t a predator and he
was molested so it was okay. I couldn’t even begin to think of harming
someone else. I don’t know what to think. I am afraid if I go to a
therapist they will say I am over reacting.
Nicole Hanes, Thank you for watching and commenting. Being abused by
another child creates a whole different set of issues to work through. It
can be difficult to let go of the rationalizing and minimizing coping
mechanisms which often develop.
Children can and do abuse other children. It happens all the time. There
are several factors that would determine whether it would be conidered a
“crime”. However, the impact is the same regardless. As you said, you
can’t even begin to think about abusing someone else. This is the case for
the majority (BY FAR) of people who are abused. And BY FAR, the majority
of people who are abused DO NOT abuse other people. Whether someone was
abused or not, it NEVER excuses what they may choose to do to someone else.
Unfortunately, I’ve heard from many people who have shared their abuse
experience with a supposed trained professional, who minimizes or dismisses
the significance of their experience. If this happens, you need to find
In regards to not knowing what to think…trust yourself. You know what
happened and you know the impact it’s had on you.
What are some other examples on denial?
Do you think it’s possible a for someone to heal without any kind of
therapy? I feel the need to maybe finally talk to someone all these years
later but not sure who to talk to or even where to for such help. I feel
like I’m an emotional ticking time bomb just waiting to explode. One day
I’m fine then the next I might go off on someone. As a young girl I had
anger issues and even had a hard time I feel cause I felt so bad about
myself, the abuse,etc.
first sorry for my english its not my main language. i watched your video
and thought about it. you are right, the things you mentioned happen all
the time. I for myself have no memory of sexual abuse in my
childhood..other forms of abuse yes. i always watch videos where people die
as resukt of childhood abuse..or i try all the time to understand
psychopaths people like serial killers. Do you think this is my way of
coping with my experiences. im shocked because i need such an extreme to
minimize my childhood. Hope you know what i mean.
I think my biggest problem as well as the abuse and the rape is how it has
affected my behaviour over the years and I haven’t exactly been a saint. I
used to be a stalker, an internet stalker anyway; it was my way of dealing
with what felt like and still feels like the impossibility of intimacy and
having a colossal panic every time I fancied a Woman. I still feel deep
shame and as though I am not fit to venture out into the real world. I feel
as though i would have allowed anyone to do anything to me and I could have
done anything to anyone else but fortunately it’s over now, or it is
beginning to be over. I have started therapy and can finally talk to
someone about what was done to me and how I dealt with it. I hope that’s a
Hi Peggy, Thank you so much for sharing and boosting among us the
commitment to the healing process.I am therapist as well, and I would like
to have some information about techniques and ways to help people who have
been victim of sexual abuse. The best for you
Thank you Peggy for anther wonderful post! I think I’ve probably used most
of those coping mechanisms in my life. I said it in another post, but I’m
really looking forward reading your blog and watching more of these helpful
I dated a girl but I had to break up with her because I couldn’t stand her
brother. In addition to horrendous verbalabuse he hurt her physically.
Her father blamed her and if there is really a Hell thats where the father
and son are now.
Comments are closed.